Then You Look At Me
by natzbadfairy
Summary: Meredith and Derek arn't talking because Addison's just arrived. The Seattle skyline is the back drop. PLease read and review...sucky summery i know : one shot


**Hey, this is a song fic based on Then you look at me by Celine Dion. Fell in love with the song after I heard it in the Bicentennial Man (crackingly good film) Anyway, this is a MerDer Fic. Meredith and Derek are not talking to each other because Addison's just showed up. But…if you read you'll get the storyline, I promise. Lol**

Meredith pulled into the path and turned the engine off. Her heart was pounding against her chest, the adrenalin kicking in. Nervously she climbed out the car and walked to the edge of the hill, looking over at the skyline of Seattle. Derek had brought her up here the first time that he had brought her there, to the trailer. This was where he was supposed to build a house with her, where he was supposed to start a life with her. But he already had a life that he hadn't ended, that was still running in New York. Six months of being in love with him for it to fall by the waist side when Dr Addison Shepherd walked into her life. Trust was gone; she couldn't believe a word that he said, never. She had let all of her problems, fears and insecurities about being with him…or anyone for that matter go, knowing that she couldn't live her life in a bubble. She was going to get hurt at some points and she was going to be broken sometimes. But at the same time, to find the prince, you have to kiss a few frogs. She thought that was what Izzie said anyway. But Derek wasn't a frog to her. Her was her prince and she was done with everything and everyone else. She didn't hear him coming up behind her but she could feel him watching her, his eyes burning a whole in the back of her head. She relaxed, but told herself over and over again that it was Seattle, what she was looking at. It wasn't him being close to her.

_Then you look at me  
I'm lost as can be  
then you look at me  
and I am not lost anymore_

'I saw you car driving up past the trailer,'

'I didn't know that you were there. I thought you had a late surgery,'

'No,'

'Sorry, I'll leave you,'

'No, Stay Meredith,'

'Where's your wife?'

'She's no longer my wife,'

'She was last time I looked,'

'I signed the divorce papers nearly two weeks ago,' Meredith turned to look at Derek and every bad thought she had about him disappeared. He wasn't the selfish bastard that she had first thought. He hadn't told her about Addison because he was hurt and ashamed. But he could have…should have told her; they were building a life together. Meredith shook the thoughts out her head, focusing on what was happening in that moment. She turned back to the skyline, inhaling Seattle that lay spread out before her.

'When I was little this was something I always wanted to do,' Derek was puzzled.

'Stand on a piece of land in the middle of nowhere?'

'Feel like I was flying,' He smiled, going up and standing beside Meredith. _  
_

_And I always see  
what I have been searching for_

Derek looked over at her, watching her eyes scanning the landscape, taking in every detail.

'I know she hurt you,'

'I know that I hurt you by not tell you about her,'

'I get that…I get why you didn't tell me…but I just don't trust you anymore Derek…everything that I had let go of…the fear that I would be left on my own…they've all been reopened because you never told me about her…the lies that you told hurt me Derek,'

'I know,'

'It's not fair that you get to just divorce her and everything is all better, that we just go back to the way we were before with all the plans of building a house together or the future that we had talked about. It doesn't all just come back because you decided to divorce her,'

' I know and I'm sorry,'

'Are you sorry? Or is this just your way of trying to be the good guy? Do you really want to be with me or am I just keep the bed warm until you and her make up and get it together?'

'We're divorced and I wouldn't care if I never saw her again. She broke me Meredith, and all the issues that you say you've got about being left alone? You're not the only one with Issues. My Best friend and my wife were having an affair. The two people I was supposed to be able to trust the most in my life jumped into bed with each other,' Meredith went to reply, unable to say anything. She had never thought about what Derek seeing Addison and Mark had done to him. All she was focusing on was the fact that he had lied; he had kept his marriage a secret. He had been avoiding the subject…she avoided subjects. She avoided the subject of her mother all time. He was avoiding his past.

'Do you trust me Derek?' Derek nodded.

'With everything,'

'Why not your past…why not the broken you? No ones perfect so why do I always have to see the fine Derek that fixes people?'

'I don't know,' Meredith sighed heavily and moved closer over to him. Her hand brushed with his, Derek looking down. She tenderly wrapped her fingers into his warm hand, letting his hand engulf hers.

'I know that you don't trust me…but I don't…I want you to trust me again…I want you to get to know me…the broken me as well as the fine person who always fixes people?'

'Why didn't you trust me before…when you were saying that you wanted to build a house with me…and have a life with me? You didn't trust me with it…that hurts more than the fact you lied about having a wife. I know that she hurt you and that you have a reason of being ashamed and embarrassed,'

'I'm not embarrassed. I'm not the one who cheated…I'm…she broke me when she slept with him…and…even thinking about what they did…how they were with me before it…it just…it kills me inside that people I loved and trusted did that behind my back,'

'Loved,'

'What?'

'You said loved. You don't love her,' Derek nodded, Meredith turning her body towards him. Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her in closer to him.

'I didn't mean not to tell you…I just didn't want you think that I would always be paranoid about you…that I wouldn't trust you with Alex or…or even Mark,'

­'Wait…your saying one of the reasons you didn't tell me about Addison was because you didn't want me to think you were paranoid all of the time?' Derek's voice dropped below a whisper

'Yeah,' Meredith came out of his embrace, standing in front of him and blocking his view of Seattle.

'Are you serious?'

'I knew if I was insecure or if you thought I was then there would be problems,'

'Derek, you not telling me about her has caused even more problems than telling me would have,'

'I know this now…if I could I would have told you about her before everything happened. I would have told you about her…her and Mark before she came out here,' Meredith pressed her body against his, her arms going around his waist with her head on his chest.

'I never thought that you would be that guy who got screwed over. I can't…I don't understand why she did that to you…I can't imagine doing that, hurting you,'

'Well I was and now I'm paying the price for it again,'

'How?'

'I could have lost you,' Meredith inhaled the scent off of Derek's jacket, something that she missed. She missed him. She missed everything about him.

'I'm sorry,' She looked up, Derek staring straight into her eyes.

'I know,' her lips gingerly brushed his before they went back to being Meredith and Derek. His hands wrapped in and around her hair, holding her closer to him than she had been before.

'Promise me something,'

'What?'

'You'll talk to me. You won't clam up on me again. You'll let me in,' Derek nodded, Meredith taking hold of his hands. She held his arms around her cold body, the two of them staying on the top of the hill.

'So you really feel like your flying when you stand up here?' Meredith nodded, Derek pushing her forward a few steps. She held onto him tighter, the closer they go to the edge of the hill.

_People run  
Sun to sun  
Caught in their lives ever flowing  
once begun, life goes till it's gone  
we have to go where it's going  
_

Meredith closed her eyes, trusting him. He knew that she was, this was her putting herself forward to him. This was her putting her trust back into him. The trust that he had lost with her. She knew that she was closer to the edge than what she had been before, Derek whispering in her ear. She could feel her body heating up with every minute that he stood pressed against her.

'I'm sorry,'

'Shhh,'

'Meredith,'

'Forget it…please just forget it.' Derek spun Meredith around, Meredith's eyes still closed.

'I love you,' Meredith opened her eyes slowly, her gaze locking with his.

_Then you look at me  
I'm lost as can be  
_

Meredith took hold of his hands, entwining her fingers in his.

'I love you too,'

_Laugh and cry  
Live and die  
Life is a dream we're dreaming  
Day by day I find my way  
Look for the soul and the meaning_

Then you look at me  
And I always see  
What I have been searching for  
I'm lost as can be  
Then you look at me  
And I am not lost anymore

People run  
Sun to sun  
Caught in their lives ever flowing  
Once begun, life goes till it's gone  
We have to go where it's going

Then you look at me  
And I always see  
What I have been searching for  
I'm lost as can be  
Then you look at me  
And I am not lost anymore

And you say you see  
When you look at me  
The reason you love life so  
Though lost I have been  
I'll find love again

And life just keeps on running  
And life just keeps on running

You look at me and life comes from you

**Hey, hope you liked. I know there's a lot of dialogue but I hope you still enjoyed it. Please review and make my day **


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